it’s morning and i’m not getting ready for my job, because i called in sick. the truth of the matter is i’m at a super big loss of positive things to think. i know, it’s a phase, it happens, i can rationalize it to myself in a totally clear way and everything makes sense, but i still feel hurt even if i really understand the situation. i’m tired. i’ve been tired for a half a year now. and in half a year there was no one to take me away from all the shit that was happening, just people needing things from me, needing me to understand, be there, support, and act happy and normal, because i have it all, blah blah. i’m just tired, that’s all. maybe someday i would like a release too. and it’s not time with family and it’s not listening about any of anybody’s problems, it’s just going somewhere, being away, not stuck in this fucking circle of constantly worrying about everyone. i just want to feel like i’m alive again, not just wasting it all on some boring routine, not just wasting my energy on people that take it for granted. i’m just so tired. and people think i speak of the ordinary tired. well i don’t. i’m tired beyond sleep deprivation and overworked beyond 12h daily, i’m not fully alive anymore, that’s the problem. and now. i’m gonna drink some tea for my exploding throat, try to sleep some more and wake up to make some plans. i guess they say never give up.
loads of cool books, a lego fight (which i won), a cat falling asleep in my lap and a trashy shopping window kitchen . student life in leipzig.
windows / july 2012
this summer is turning out to be like a lot of fun!
my plan to go somewhere out and about everyday is working and i’m feeling nice and active.
this are from my 35mm films, that are piling up quite nicely, i must say :)
zagreb is being nice to us / today